How not to judge? We all judge ourselves and others constantly. I am sure you and I would love to stop doing it, but how do we do it? Are you curious too? This blog on ‘Judge not!’ will tell you how you can start to feel more peaceful inside whilst connecting with others. It is also like the Yoga ethic Ahimsa (nonviolence) teaches us. It is about watching what we are thinking and saying in order to respond from a place of compassion rather than from a negative mind frame.
Judge not is about letting go of judgment. It is about NOT bluntly saying what we have on our minds. Instead we listen to our thoughts and feelings behind our judgments before we speak, and sometimes we don’t even need to speak up at all. When you hear a judgment bubbling up inside of you, use the questions from Non-Violent Communication:
- What are you thinking?
- What are you feeling?
- What do you actually need?
- What is your request?
It is best if we don’t just express what comes up. We might regret it later on. We don’t want to cause any unnecessary pain. Our opinion expresses our deepest feelings, wishes and needs and doesn’t say anything about the other person we are expressing it to. Remain from bluntly saying things out loud. Instead watch all of your thoughts and feelings as they move through you when you feel like judging and let it come into a space of awareness.
The other day someone bluntly said to me out of nowhere: ‘You are arrogant‘. AU, that was painful. I was thinking: “She doesn’t even know me!”. She saw things happening around her (symbols) and very quickly interpreted them and sent her judgment my way. She apparently didn’t receive the treatment she needed from me, but decided to express her jackal (judgment) to me. I turned around, went outside to cool down and to think about what had just happened. So what was my response? Think first, and then perhaps act!
The art of communication
Only now the day after the incident I realize that I feel the need to express to her what her response felt like. I also realize now that I could have checked with her what was happening with her. Too bad it is too late now. I can only hope that she has also given it some thought too. And I am hoping that you hopefully will be able to see your own jackals before you express them to someone. I hope we all learn to express our feelings and needs in real life a little better, so that we can all benefit from it and learn to understand each other way better than we now often do. To really connect with somebody and to feel liberated afterwards due to true understanding is what I wish to all of us. That is the art of communication and it can be done by applying Non-Violent Communication.
I have noticed that we, me inclusive, often act so impulsively and without thinking it through first. Why can’t we do things ‘correctly’ the first time? How great would it be if we don’t have to fight ourselves and others constantly? Isn’t it time to accept we all have a shadow side and that we need to heal it by dealing with what is inside of us first? Shouldn’t we look inside first, before we connect with the other person? Connect with yourself first and then use Non-Violent Communication. to speak up compassionately.
To conclude, we have and can make choices. It is up to us what response we choose to give. We are no victims; we don’t have to fight ourselves and others. We can choose again and again how we wish to deal with issues that arise, how we wish to respond and how we can allow ourselves to move closer and closer to our divine core. When our shadow sides emerge and we feel like judging, it is actually the perfect time to heal another part of us first.
How to slow down? Simply take a break and do Yin Yoga.
Sit still. Stretch. Breathe. Continue.
Yin Yoga with Marianne
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